The Need for this Book:  Roland grew up watching members of his family die of alcoholism, child abuse, suicide and violence on the reservation. Drugs, alcohol and gang activity are heavy and rampant on many reservations.  There are children dying within Indian Country whose names don’t make it to the media and for whom justice is never given.

“[A]lmost 40 children [have been] returned to on-reservation placements in abusive homes, many headed by known sex offenders, at the direction of the Tribal Chair. These children remain in the full time care and custody of sexual predators available to be raped on a daily basis. Since I filed my first report noting this situation, nothing has been done by any of you to remove these children to safe placements,” Thomas Sullivan, Regional Admin of the Administration of Children and Families in Denver, wrote in a report to his DC superiors in February, 2013.

A year later, Mr. Sullivan, stated nothing has changed, despite political posturing by numerous federal and tribal officials. What cannot be denied is that a large number of Native Americans are dying from alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide, and violence.

While leaders might argue why this is happening, the facts are, according to the American Indian Health Council, “crime victimization rates in the American Indian community are significantly higher than in the general U.S. population” and “American Indian women are at high risk of homicide, including domestic violence.” Further, Native Americans teens are at a much higher risk than other minority populations for heavy binge drinking and alcohol dependence. They also have the highest suicide rate of any group.

Abuses are rampant on many reservations because the U.S. Government has set up a system that allows extensive abuse to occur unchecked and without repercussion.

Dying in Indian Country explains through a family’s well documented story, how Congress, federal agencies, welfare benefits, and the current reservation system itself are all responsible for the destruction of Native American families, while non-governmental solutions bring genuine hope and change Though this book tells the reality and politics of family life on the reservation, the greater story is the spiritual transformation that takes place in the heart of one member, Roland Morris.

The reader experiences the journey of change in Roland as it slowly takes place. More than the trauma and politics within this book, this is also a true story about a transformed life. The first section shares the family’s anguish as they sink into alcoholism and drug abuse. The second describes a transformational event in the father’s life which not only brings him to lead his family out of despair, but results in the family refusing welfare entitlements and fighting against tribal corruption and sovereignty. 

  There is no other family narrative on the market at this time that treats the reservation system from the perspective of the deep harm it is causing average tribal members.  Initial reviews are very good, but limited as a result of a very narrow self-publishing effort. “Dying in Indian Country” was first published in July, 2012.  It has been given several endorsements, including an endorsement from Dr. William B. Allen, former Chair of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights and Reed Elley, former Canadian Minister of Parliament. Comments About Dying in Indian Country

• “…a compassionate & honest portrayal…I highly recommend it to you!”  Reed Elley, former MP, Canada; Chief Critic Indian Affairs, Pastor
• “…hope emerging from despair… This is a story about an amazing life journey.”  Darrel Smith. Writer, Rancher, SD

Dr. Allen, who also wrote a forward for the book, stated that Dying in Indian Country is –

• “…truly gripping, with a good pace.” Dr. William B. Allen, Emeritus Professor, Political Science, MSU, & former Chair U.S. Commission on Civil Rights

Though limited in its initial publishing, the book was well received. The new publisher, Deep River Books, has contracted to market it to bookstores and will set the price of the book at half that of the original publisher: around $16. To make this transition, we need $10,000 in funding.

We have already received $3000 for the publishing and the project has begun.  We need to raise another $7000.  The extra $1200 requested will cover Kickstarter and Amazon fees associated with this crowdfunding project, as well as shipping costs for us to receive 1000 books.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1715807687/dying-in-indian-country

Rez Family Speaks Out -

There’s another side to the ICWA that until very recently has received little disclosure or news coverage. Just why would a family (2-parent, single-parent, multi-generational, or blended) decide that reservation life is not what they CHOOSE for their family? The reasons are many, but some of the reasons are shocking.  

What cannot be denied is that a large number of Native Americans are dying from alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide and violence. Further, what is being hidden on some reservations is that scores of children are suffering emotional, physical and sexual abuse as a result of the accepted behavior on those reservations, and the ICWA is trapping more and more children into this unacceptable system.

While many tribal governments continue to fund congressional candidates who promise to increase tribal sovereignty, the voices of the children who are at the mercy of corrupt government continue to go unheard. The truth that must be revealed is that some tribal governments are not protecting the children in their “custody.” Some have said that there are children actually being traded and sold by the very people who are being paid to “foster” them. The Spirit Lake tribal government in North Dakota is not isolated in the mistreatment of children.

Though tribal governments claim there are accountability measures in place, in reality many children within the foster system never receive adequate care or any follow-up at all. Some tribal members report that extended family members, social workers, judges, lawyers, teachers, and other “mandated reporters” all seem to participate in this broken system where, as long as a child remains in foster care, the tribe and the custodian(s) receive a check. There is no incentive to permanently place an Indian child in an adoptive home, and no incentive to report abuse. The adults in charge simply turn a blind eye and pretend that the system works, and children are denied the most basic of human needs…real love and a safe place to call home.  

Dying in Indian Country, by Elizabeth Sharon Morris, provides a real glimpse into some of these unacceptable conditions. Dying in Indian Country tells a compelling true story of one family who comes to realize that corrupt tribal government, dishonest Federal Indian Policy, welfare policy, and the controlling reservation system has more to do with the current despair than tragedies that occurred 150 years ago.

“Dying in Indian Country is a compassionate and honest portrayal… I highly recommend it to you.” Reed Elley, former Member of Parliament, Canada; Chief Critic for Indian Affairs in 2000, Baptist Pastor, Father of four Native and Métis children

“He was a magnificent warrior who put himself on the line for the good of all…I can think of no one at this time, in this dark period of Indian history, who is able to speak as Roland has.” Arlene,Tribal Member

“…truly gripping, with a good pace.” Dr. William B. Allen, -Emeritus Professor, Political Science, MSU and former Chair of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights (1989)

Dying in Indian Country is available at: http://dyinginindiancountry.com

Has God used CAICW to impact you or a loved one in 2012?

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War On Women Comes from Cherokee Nation

NOT ONLY is the ‘INDIAN CHILD WELFARE ACT’ a weapon against the rights and best interests of many children – but it is an affront on the parental rights of ALL woman ~ The REAL War on Women comes in the form of the Cherokee Nation’s affirmation that single mothers of ALL heritages MUST fear tribal interference if they give a child up for adoption without knowing for certain that the birth father doesn’t have EVEN ONE DROP of Cherokee blood.

In the Thursday, October 18, 2012, segment of Dr. Phil show, Cherokee Nation Attorney Christi Nemmo refuses to admit Veronica had only a drop of Cherokee blood, but she also doesn't deny it. She doesn't answer the question because she knows people would be horrified. She tries to make the argument that it's not about how a child looks or how much blood the child has, but that they have a right to be part of the Cherokee tribe. Watch this 3 minute clip, then read more...

____________________________________________________________________

She was sidestepping the fact that this "right" is being forced on not only this child, but many children and families all across the U.S. She is avoiding the fact that not all enrollable individuals WANT their children to be forced into the Cherokee Nation, not all enrollable parents want their children to be raised on or near the reservation, and some enrolled families have purposefully taken their children and moved away.

 For example: Enrolled mothers at a home for unwed mothers in Bismarck told State Representative Lee Kaldor that they had wanted to give their babies up for adoption, but were afraid that tribal government would interfere. So although they honestly didn't feel they were able to properly raise and nurture their babies, they felt that adoption wasn't an option. Instead, some of them contemplated abortion. ( Interestingly, tribal governments don't interfere in a mother's decision to abort.)

Nemmo is also ignoring the rights of the Latino birth mother in question - and ANY mother who chooses adoption for their child. The horrifying issue that is being ignored here is that while it's bad enough that enrolled mothers don't feel a freedom of choice in deciding what is best for their children, we also have a NON-Indian Mother, who was carrying a child with ONLY A TINY percentage of tribal heritage - and that mother and child's wishes were tromped on by tribal gov't. What a nightmare for any pregnant single mother contemplating adoption - that some minute amount of heritage could give a government the legal right to interfere.    

Beth Ward is the Author of the new book, "Dying in Indian Country." Purchase your copy at http://dyinginindiancountry.com/ and get it signed with a personal note, as well as $5 off the cover price ~

Chat with Author Beth Ward at her online Book Signing, Oct 13

The true story of an American Indian who realized just how much tribal and federal government policies were destroying his extended family.  

Roland grew up watching members of his family die of alcoholism, child abuse, suicide, and violence on the reservation. Like many others, he blamed all the problems on “white people.”  

Beth Ward grew up in a middle class home in the suburbs. Raised in a politically left family, she also believed that all problems on the reservation originated with cruel treatment by settlers and the stealing of land. Meeting her husband, her first close experience with a tribal member, she stepped out of the comfort of suburban life into a whole new, frightening world.  

After almost ten years of living with his alcoholism and the terrible dangers that came with it, they both realized that individual behavior and personal decisions were at the root of a man’s troubles, including their own, and no amount of entitlements would change that.  

What cannot be denied is that a large number of Native Americans are dying from alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide, and violence. The reservation, a socialistic experiment at best, pushes people to depend on tribal and federal government rather than God, and to blame all of life’s ills on others. The results have been disastrous. Roland realized that corrupt tribal government, dishonest federal Indian policy, and the controlling reservation system had more to do with the current pain and despair in his family and community than what had happened 150 years ago.  

Here is the plain truth in the eyes of one family, in the hope that at least some of the dying in Indian Country — physical, emotional, and spiritual — may be prevented.  

Dr. William B. Allen, Emeritus Professor, Political Science, MSU and former Chair of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights (1989) has called the book, “…truly gripping, with a good pace.”  

Meet the author at an online book signing, Saturday, October 13th, 3 pm eastern time, 12 noon pacific, at https://dyinginindiancountry.campfirenow.com/room/533942

The book sells for $29.99 and is available online. For more information about the author and to purchase the book, please visit http://dyinginindiancountry.com/

###

THE BOOK IS FINALLY DONE!

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 Finally - after only fifteen years in the making and a lot of blood, sweat and tears - The book is finished.


________________________________

This is a true story of an American tribal member who, after coming to know Jesus Christ, realized just how much liberal policies within tribal and federal government were hurting his extended family.  

Roland grew up watching members of his family die of alcoholism, child abuse, suicide, and violence on the reservation. Like many others, he blamed all the problems on “white people.”  

Beth Ward grew up in a middle class home in the suburbs. Raised in a politically left family, she also believed that all problems on the reservation originated with cruel treatment by settlers and the stealing of land. Meeting her husband, her first close experience with a tribal member, she stepped out of the comfort of suburban life into a whole new, frightening world.

After almost ten years of living with his alcoholism and the terrible dangers that came with it, they both came to realize that individual behavior and personal decisions were at the root of a man’s troubles, including their own. After coming face-to face with the reality of Jesus Christ, their eyes opened to the truth of why there is so much Dying in Indian Country.  

What cannot be denied is that a large number of Native Americans are dying from alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide, and violence. The reservation, a socialistic experiment at best, pushes people to depend on tribal and federal government rather than God, and to blame all of life's ills on others. The results have been disastrous. Roland realized that corrupt tribal government, dishonest federal Indian policy, and the controlling reservation system had more to do with the current pain and despair in his family and community than what had happened 150 years ago.  

Here is the plain truth in the eyes of one family, in the hope that at least some of the dying in Indian Country — physical, emotional, and spiritual — may be recognized and prevented. Unfortunately, persistent public misconceptions about Indian Country, misconceptions sometimes promoted by tribal government and others enjoying unaudited money and power, have worked to keep the situation just as it is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• “Roland truly has encouraged many people…the last trip to D.C. was a testimony to God’s faithfulness.” Rev. Robert Guthrie, B.Th. M.A. –Professor, Vanguard College, AB
• “…he earned my deepest respect, and…made heroic and very honorable attempts to improve the lot of Native Americans in this country.” Jon Metropoulos, Attorney, Helena, MT
• “‘Dying in Indian Country’ is a compassionate and honest portrayal…I highly recommend it to you!” Reed Elley, former Member of Parliament, Canada; Chief Critic for Indian Affairs in 2000; Baptist Pastor, father of four native and metis children
• “I truly admire Roland for the message he was trying to have heard.” Ralph Heinert, Montana State Representative
• “He was a magnificent warrior who put himself on the line for the good of all…. I can think of no-one at this time in this dark period of Indian history who is able to speak as Roland has.” Arlene, tribal member
• “…hope emerging from despair… This is a story about an amazing life journey.” Darrel Smith. Writer, Rancher, South Dakota
• “He’s a Christian now you know… I saw him crying on his knees on my living room floor. I was there.” Sharon, tribal member
• "...truly gripping, with a good pace." Dr. William B. Allen, - Emeritus Professor, Political Science, MSU and former Chair of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights (1989)

Read More:

• Website: dyinginindiancountry.com
• Twitter: twitter.com/WriteBethWard
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/DyingInIndianCountry

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Claims to be Christian - Yeah, right.

Wilson went to stay with Misty. Well, that would be that. Shirley, remarried, had recently left her husband and was homeless as well. Not only were she and Joy living there, but Cheri, her little girls and Junior too. Wilson would be under the same roof with his ex-wife and all their kids and grandkids. A remarkable situation; they were one big happy family again. He wouldn’t need my babies and me. Also, with the amount of drinking and smoking going on there, it wouldn’t be long before he got started and that would be the end of his talk about sobriety and Christianity.

Wilson not only stayed sober but he kept coming around. I started letting him watch our kids while I was at work. For two weeks he courted me. One night he picked me up from work and took me to our old restaurant - just like we used to. When he dropped me off and drove away, I felt as though I’d been on my very first date ever with him.

One day I called home from work. "Wilson, I forgot my medication this morning. I just don’t feel like I can cope. Could you bring me my medicine?”
“Sure, I’ll be right over.”
But the medication didn’t help. It was my life I hated. How could a drug change that?

After just two months, I left ‘bitter’ BetterLife and went back to the family-run nursing home where I had felt more comfortable.

“Shirley is going back to live with her husband in Detroit and Joy wants to move in with me,” Wilson said one day.
I sat down. How could Joy “move in” with Wilson? He didn’t have a place. I knew I was asking for trouble again, but I really did love Joy. “Well, I guess you both could come here.”
Joy and Wilson moved back in with me on March 16. I explained to Steph that I had to do it for Joy’s sake, but she didn’t believe it. We argued and Steph moved out. Troy also went back to Salmon Lake and stayed there.

I enrolled both Joy and Andrew in swimming lessons at the YMCA. While they were in class and Haley was in the nursery, I worked out in the weight room. I was there partly to get back into shape after having a baby, partly to build myself up in case of another attack by Shirley.

Joy reported that the family from the Rez rolls joints on their coffee table. Four- year-old Andrew joined in, “I stole some cigarettes from 7-11 for them. They wanted me to smoke one.”
“And Mom,” he confided, “Rose is Louis’ girlfriend. They were in the garage and she told him to put his hand in her pants.”
I felt sick. Rose and Louis were both nine-years-old.
Standing on our sidewalk with Andrew, I pointed from one house to another.
“I don’t want you to play over there or that house either. They do bad things over there. You are not to go inside the house across from them, or play with the kids over at the red house. And stay out of that green house, too.”
“But Mom,” Andrew objected, “then there’s nobody left to play with!”

Elmer and Marcia came to visit relatives in Salmon Lake, then came down to the city to spend a couple nights with us. Having them physically in front of me was reassurance that they really existed. Seeing them was like nourishment.
“Why don’t you move on out to west?” Elmer cajoled.
“I’m buying this place. Where would we live out there?”
“There’s plenty of places.”
“Well, if we did go Wilson would have to find us a nice house first.”
“Well, don’t be so high on the horse. Sometimes you have to accept something not so good for awhile if you want to make a better life. You might have to accept living in a trailer or something.”
Later, I spoke to Marcia. ‘What happens if I quit my job, drop this house, go all the way out there and then Wilson starts drinking again?”
“He really is a Christian now. I know; I saw him crying on his knees on my living room floor. I was there.”

I still didn’t think I loved Wilson and didn’t trust that he was really going to stay sober. And I most definitely didn’t believe he was really a Christian. But I knew I wasn’t happy being a single mom trying to buy a house I didn’t like in a neighborhood I hated. I also knew I’d have to be evening charge nurse for awhile. When Andrew started school in the fall, I’d never see him.

I also knew I was an angry, bitter woman and if I kept going that way - my heart filled to the brim with hate - I’d end up like some of the bitter, old women I had worked with in the nursing homes. I decided moving couldn’t be worse than living here.

We sat around the dinner table with Mickey, Joy and my kids. We made a commitment to each other that we were going to stick together and move as a family. Grandma and Grandpa were having their 50th wedding anniversary and later that summer was my class reunion, so we decided to wait and move in late August, before school started. I’d have to prepare the house for sale and hire a realtor.

Some time later, Savannah killed her mother’s boyfriend

Some time later, Savannah killed her mother’s boyfriend. He had been verbally abusing Annie, and Savannah got angry, went into the kitchen, returned with a knife, and stuck it in his back.

I didn’t hold Savannah to blame, though. I couldn’t. So many people had abused her. I blamed all the adults who could have – should have – helped her, including Roland and the social workers. I was disgusted with them all. Why didn’t anyone help her?

After the murder and Savannah’s arrest, I called her defense attorneys and told them how she had been living. I wanted her lawyer to know what she had been through – the alcoholism in the family and the abuse, neglect, and gang rape she’d endured. I wanted him to be sympathetic. But I also called the prosecution. I wanted someone to finally do something.
I don’t think anything I said had any affect on anything, but her first baby was taken away from her, and Savannah went to a group home. And that was great.
_______________________

Wanda was admitted to BetterLife Treatment Center. Wanting to encourage her, I went to visit. Once there, I felt I’d better explain my absence from the extended family. It wasn't just because Roland and I were separated or because I didn't get along with his oldest daughters.

“Wanda, I haven’t come around you guys for awhile because I care about you all and just can’t keep watching all the bad things going on. I just can’t keep watching everyone get hurt and die.”

Wanda didn’t take offense. Instead, she felt touched by the idea someone cared. ‘No one’s ever said anything like that to me before,” she answered quietly.
________________________

My Sister Steph moved in with me in January. When she came, I was excited. I had visions that we would shop together, do each other’s hair and in general, be sisters together in a way we never had before. But neither of our schedules ended up allowing it. I was working the 3-11 shift and at times even back to back or doubles, and she was working two jobs. We rarely saw each other.

Troy and Mickey were my babysitters, not because they were good but because they were convenient. Some mornings I’d find Haley soaked in her crib because they hadn’t changed her before putting her to bed. And there were times girls stayed over while both Steph and I were gone. Steph was especially angry when one of her heirloom coffee tables was broken.
______________________

Troy came home one day and told me something Misty had said about me. That was it. I’d had enough.
“I’m going down to kick her a—right now.”
Matthew stopped me. “She’s pregnant. You better not go over there.”
“I don’t care. I’m sick of her!”
I was afraid if I stopped now, I’d never do it. I jumped in my car and drove over to Cheri’s place. Standing in the snow outside, I called Misty down from the upstairs duplex.
She hurried down the stairs and opened the screen door. “What?”
“I’m so sick of you and your mouth! If you don’t cut it out, I’ll kick the s--- out of you!”
“Wait a minute.” She turned and ran back up the stairs.

That ugly thing in the pit of your stomach

Haley was already three days old when I called a nephew up north to leave a message for Wilson.
"Just wait," his nephew said, ''I'll go get him."
"No, I mean, don't bother. I just called to tell you so you can tell him. I don't need to talk to him."
"No, I'll go get him," he said, and hung up.
Strange. All the times I wanted to talk to Wilson and no one would help me. Now, I don't want to speak to him, and someone is rushing to get him.
Wilson called back almost immediately.
"I'll come home."
"Don't bother."
"I'm going to detox tonight then come right down tomorrow."
But of course, he didn't go to detox. He went to celebrate that night. The following night he went to detox.

I took Haley in the stroller to the park when she was five days old. After opening her blankets so she could get sun on her slightly jaundiced face, I sat down to read. I wasn't there long when Troy rode up quickly on his bike.
"Wilson and Elaine are here."
My stomach knotted and I looked away. Taking a deep breath, I slowly stood up.
"Okay. Tell them I'm coming."
Troy took off on his bike. I slowly put my things away and got ready to leave. Haley's face looked pink.
Darn it, I thought, I think I sunburned Haley's face a little. I hope Elaine doesn't notice.
Moving slowly, I made my way up the sidewalk. What was I supposed to do or say to him? I had no idea how to act. I didn't want him there.
But in a small way, I did.

I never really warmed up to Wilson those following months. I rarely looked him in the eye and we no longer touched each other, even while lying asleep in bed. I changed my phone number and, even though he lived with me, wouldn't give it to him. I didn't want him to give it to his older daughters.
I hated to see Wilson alone and lonely, especially when I remembered how he used to be. But I couldn't trust him anymore, and love has to involve trust.

I found a job as a charge nurse at a nearby nursing home. I didn't want to leave Haley and start work, but the job was just weekends and it was close enough that I could come home during break and nurse her.
Andrew asked Wilson to play with him with the train set Uncle Bobby had given him for his birthday. I knew Wilson and Andrew couldn't play together for more than three minutes, and they didn't. Andrew said something and Wilson got mad and walked away. Andrew cried and begged Wilson to come back and play, but he said, "No." Andrew finally quit crying and started to play alone with his legos.

Just before Christmas, Wilson and Andrew each received about $400 from the tribe. This was the first and only tribal financial disbursement I'd ever seen. Andrew's money was automatically deposited by the tribe into a special savings account to be held until he turned 18, so he didn’t actually get it at that time. Haley didn't receive a check at all because she hadn't been enrolled yet as a member.

Cheri, who'd also received her money, had been staying with us. Wilson and I began to argue about her again. I had been supporting everyone, but Cheri was refusing to use any of her money to help out. I wanted her to go.
"Well if she goes, I go," Wilson hollered.
"Good-bye," I yelled back.
For a moment, Wilson seemed stunned. But then he packed up and, with Cheri and all their money, left.

Umm... I take that back....

This is really terrible. The book is not on the 2008 disk. I thought I had many copies saved. In fact, I thought I had TOO many, because I was afraid of mixing up later and earlier versions, and ... I DID mix up a couple versions even in this blog... There WAS more than one copy!

So...there was more than one copy on the crashed computer, there should have been more than one copy on the 2008 disk....but there are no copies. The file "book" is there, but all it contains is queries and things like that... I have no idea why the person that told me she had "saved" all the documents in my hard drive that day didn't save the book - or how they book would have been omitted when the rest of the file was saved...

This is devastating to me, as it took me a few years to write what I did.

I haven't given up yet, though. I am still looking for other disks, and will go through my daughter's old computer as well. I can't believe it would be totally gone -

I'm So Over You.

.
My nursing boards were scheduled to take place at the Civic Center over a two-day period. I asked Marion if Andrew could stay with her over those two days; I'd do better if I didn't have to worry about him. The first day of the test, the staff ushered us into a large room. We weren't allowed to bring anything in with us and we weren't allowed to leave the room. It was a long and stressful day. That night I went to bed early, my body was drained.

Around midnight the phone rang. "Beth.... This is Dorothy," came the slurred voice, "I'm over at a party.... Will you pick me up...and take me over to Lincoln?"

"No!" I barked and hung up.

_________________________________________________________

That weekend, the nursing boards finally over with, Andrew and I actually began to relax. Having nothing but welfare now money was tight. But it was okay, Andrew and I didn't need much. We went to fairs, the library, and to visit my family. We went to the beach twice a week and spent the whole afternoon doing nothing but play together in the water and lie on the warm sand. If I had loose change, I bought each of us an ice cream bar at the refreshment stand. It was a beautiful, wonderful time.

Unfortunately, it ended too soon. I came home from an overnight stay at my sister's one day and found Troy and Mathew sleeping in the house. They'd gotten in through the upstairs porch door.

I was angry, but didn't show it. Not wanting them to hate me, I didn’t want them to know how I felt. I scolded them and then let it go. My quiet time was over.

The phone rang just as I was falling asleep.

"Tell my dad Cheri had her kid," Misty snapped.

"Tell him yourself," I snapped back and hung up.

_________________________________________________


Mickey came back from Texas, but Paul stayed with his dad. I went into labor in September and Troy drove me in. I didn't call Wilson. Why bother? He knew when I was due. I'd packed my overnight bag for Andrew also, intending that he stay with me. Troy dropped Andrew and me at the hospital door.

Around 5:30 p.m. the next day, Andrew tried to cut his sister's cord. The doctor helped.

Haley's initial color at birth was dark and her face was squashed, accenting her Indian features. My initial reaction to the way she looked was fear. My thought; "I've given birth to an Indian girl who will become a teenage Indian girl."

I was barely out of the shower when Steph arrived half an hour later from work. She very lovingly combed my wet hair out. Erik, Bobby and Chris arrived soon after. All of them took time to hold Haley. I was tired, but so touched and grateful to have them all there. When they left they took Andrew and his belongings with them.

"I'll pick you up and take you home when it's time," Steph offered.

I fell asleep that night comforted by my brothers and sisters. Alone with Haley, my feelings of fear passed.

She was beautiful.
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